I have been single for two years now and I’m enjoying it. I get to focus more on discovering and creating myself. I appreciate the company of my friends and workmates. I want to set the same record I had when I was in high school — no boyfriend for four years (as if it was even the right time to have a boyfriend. But well, my classmates and schoolmates had.) However, there are these emotions that I feel each time I see sweet couples, when I hear someone talk on the phone with their lover, and when I learn about content and loved women on social media. I feel insecure. I just immediately wish I had someone. I feel miserable.

Despite these bothersome emotions, I believe staying single is a good idea. I just consider these emotions as temporary ones so I wouldn’t be paranoid. I would rather be single than be in a fake relationship. To be honest, I actually don’t believe I still deserve to be with any guy so getting myself involved with anyone is no good idea. I’m like a damaged girl. I have let myself fall easily for the guys in the past. I have let them take advantage of me. I was too nice, and then it was only after a couple of mistakes, when I actually started standing for myself and decided I’m staying single. I thought being genuine, nice, understanding begets true love.

It’s only been two years, though, yet it feels like forever. I’m not sure I can stand being alone forever. But honestly, I wouldn’t want to be. Although, I don’t believe I deserve to get married and have a family, somehow, I hope someone will come and tell me my past has nothing to do with my future, even when it would be a foolish thing since this wouldn’t have been the case had I not messed up.

I want to be single for the meantime, but I wouldn’t want to be single forever. I don’t know what to do to be deserving again, but I hope someone genuine and sincere will come and accept me, even when such thing mostly happens only in series and movies.

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4 thoughts on “Confessions of A Sad Girl

  1. I have enjoyed your open sharing of your feelings. I agree with your conclusion: it’s wise to stay single for awhile. Unless we have direction, a clear “go to” there’s no point wandering blindly to be doing something.
    As for “deserving”, the thing to realize is that none of us is “deserving.” We all have faults. We all have a past and have made mistakes that needs to be forgiven. And we can’t set ourselves free of guilt. It’s not up to us — only God can do that.
    Teaching ESL? Good for you! I’ve tutored some immigrant women and I know how hard it is for them to get a handle on English.
    The most helpful “tool” I ever used was a game called Memory. Using the original idea — duplicate cards, find the matching pairs — I’ve made many sets (cut 8cm square cardboard cards and pasted pictures on them) to help women and their families learn the English word for familiar items. Every time they turned over a card we’d all say the English name so it was implanted in their mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwee! Hi there Ms. Christine. I’m glad that you enjoyed it and you’re right on the “deserving”. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on it and also with the ESL teaching, I appreciate that you shared a strategy which you yourself. That’s a good one and I can use that. Thank you for reading and sharing again. 😊😊😊

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